Cold hands, warm shart.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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