Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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