So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
