I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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