i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
