i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
