Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
