Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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