Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
