3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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