i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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