I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
