The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
