You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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