Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were trust falling into bushes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
