Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
