I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
