peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
