3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
