i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
