I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
