conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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