woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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