This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
