Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
