Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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