I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
