i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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