paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
