How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
