I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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