Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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