i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
