I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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