So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
