I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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