This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
