She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
