If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
