I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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