He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
