I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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