It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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