Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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