he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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