So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
