dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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