If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
