Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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