I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
