Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
