Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
