i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
