At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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