I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
