I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize