I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
