the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
