I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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