U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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