he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
