May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
