and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
