My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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