I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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