Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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