i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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