It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
