WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
