I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
