There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
