Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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