shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
