She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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