how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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