this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
