She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
