Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
